Friday, September 26, 2008

The Yearly Rant

Fuck You Hall of Fame
Every year, the decrepit tone-deaf wankers in charge of the Rock and Roll (so-called) Hall of Fame make like assholes and crap diarrhea rivulets all over the history of the art they profess to honor, overlooking the seminal performers whose efforts changed civilization while praising inconsequential one-hit wonders, doo-wop dinosaurs and happy-face dorks. For that homercat gives you this classic Runaways one finger salute.

It's that time of year again. Yes, my yearly rant. I Have to rant yearly around this time because of the insanely retarded voting committee who decides the nominees for the inductees into the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame
. Notice I put that into Bold face font. The Rock n Roll Hall of fame, what a sham. Every year it gets worse and more of a joke to us real music aficionados.

I think this is my 4th year ranting about this particular subject and this could go on forever. I keep thinking that next year I won't have to rant, because I hope and pray somebody will grow a brain and a set of balls and induct someone who is truly influential and deserving. Yet, it never happens. This year may be the worst. I thought last year was, but this year is even worse. In all honesty, I have a list of 60 ot more artists who deserve it more than this year's nominees. I have spent my years online during this time promoting the virtues of Alice, Kiss and others, this years is a bit different yet oddly the same. And here they are, the best of the so called best. Remember only 5 of these will actually make it into the Hall and the despair as I do.

Jeff Beck
Wanda Jackson
Little Anthony and the Imperials
the Stooges
Bobby Womack
Beck, Stooges, War agreed. Pioneers and legends all. Chic???? Get a FUCKING grip peoples,
(oooh, Le chic the stupid ass freak)I think that this may be the most ridiculous list of nominees to date (and there have been many). Yet another list of nominees that looks like it's been pulled out of someone's rich ass. Rock & Roll Hall of Fame should primarily focus on rock acts at the expense of R&B, disco, etc, hence the words Rock & Roll in it's title. One more time for the short bus folks who vote for these nominees, Rock & Roll. There is something fundamentally and absurdly wrong about Madonna being inducted before Deep Purple, Rush, Alice Cooper, Cheap Trick or Jethro Tull. And excuse me if I'm totally off base here but you simply can not put Metallica in before you put the bands that are the basic foundation and soul of the genre, such as Judas Priest, Kiss, Iron Maiden, Nazareth, Rush, Alice Cooper,etc, etc. Putting the follower above the groundbreaker, better selling, more prolific artists(we all know Metallica only had 4 good albums then they sold out to MTV and corporate radio). Don't get me wrong, I likes my Metallica, but really to put them in before better and more influential bands is a really dipshit move. No offense but as much as I love Metallica , even they would say for arguments sake that them being inducted before Maiden, Deep Purple,Cooper, Rush, and Priest is a bit insulting. And if they don't say that I will burn their albums.

I love Run DMC but for them to be inducted because they sampled others' songs and rapped over Walk This Way?! Computerized plagiarism and rapping over songs doesn't make Run DMC composers, writers or performers or deserving of a Hall of Fame inductee any more than drawing a cartoon over the Mona Lisa makes Homercat a painter.

More deserving is these guys eh:

Cheap Trick
Jethro Tull
Alice Cooper
Neil Diamond
T. Rex
Deep Purple
Grand Funk
Judas Priest
Bad Company
Thin Lizzy
Dire Straits
Iron Maiden
Joan Jett
Blue Oyster Cult
and 40 other people on my list

Oh why go on. It's a shame that Rush didn't benefit from The Colbert Bump when they made their first American appearance on TV in 30 years. But really they're Rush. They've had the same line-up for more than 30 years and continue to make great music on their own terms. They have influenced a variety of artists, such as Smashing Pumpkins, Primus, Soundgarden, Metallica and Living Colour. Ironically, the same critics who fawn over these bands seem to have little love for Rush. 24 gold albums, 14 platinum albums ... only The Beatles, Rolling Stones, KISS and Aerosmith have more consecutive gold albums in the history of rock and roll ... #6 grossing tour in 2007 and #8 in 2008 . They haven't had to make an appearance on bullshit American TV for 30 years because they don't need too. Obviously they are a Colbert fan, but, Rush is, yet again, snubbed. Really are you kidding me, Metallica before Rush. Even hardcore metal fans have to think that Metallica before Rush or Iron Maiden is a bit odd, espescially how extremely hard and fast Metallica sold out and sucked for the MTV and radio goodness=$. Just whose dick do you have to suck to become a nominee? Or do you just have to release a genuine turd like St. Anger?

Don't get me started about Alice Cooper or KISS. Just read the past posts. And here's a suggestion, how about a few more female artists that really rock, instead of doo wop, soul, blah blah blah. Britney Spears was born in 1981 so I reckon she'll be eligible next year, just for being born. If not next year then in a few for her work on the Mickey Mouse Club. Until these so called experts who do this voting for this lame ass institution have their privileges revoked, then I suggest a ban on a place I will never, ever visit, upon pain of death, in my lifetime. Cincinnati, Ohio. The birthplace of the Rock and Roll Hall of Shame.

As Always my first song will be the one I always lead off when I rant about this subject. The rest will be rock n roll.

Rock n Roll Hall of Lame by Mojo Nixon.
Closer to the Heart by Rush
He's a Whore by Cheap Trick
Hot Rails to Hell by Blue Oyster Cult
Buy em

Funny Toon